There are 2 things that drives me to write in this blog. First, I write when I bored and having too much thoughts in mind. Second, I write when I'm sad, or in bad mood, or stressed, or depressed.
Today, I write because of the second reason.
Have you ever thought that it is better to have heart of stone? All I can think right now is to gain stone-hearted state. Unfeeling. Cold. Hoping and to have feeling hurts me too much. I should be happy for her, but for some unknown reason, I feel sad, frustrated, heartache.
I learned from my past. Even though you open your heart to someone, that doesn't mean that they going to appreciate your effort open and take care of your heart. Feelings change because of change of circumstance. I have to admit that I'm a type of person that hard to open my heart toward someone. I thought that if someone really loves you, they will stay by your side forever. It was mistake all along. I shouldn't love her with all my heart. I shouldn't put all my trust on her.
Now my heart shut completely.
I have nobody to hang on except myself now. I have no one to talk about my problem except myself. Whenever I feel stressed, the urge of giving up is getting strong. Contacting friends and telling those problem to them won't help me at all.
There's one thing that I haven't try. And I'll begin it tomorrow.
-END-
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