Night

Nighttime is the great hours to think, to reflect things that you did, do you think so? My mind is a universe, filled with the vastness of thoughts. I can think a lot of things when I lay down on my bed. Sometimes the thoughts led me to certain conclusion, like I'm empty inside, I can't feel love anymore. It's true anyway, my conclusion was based on my own reflection of myself in the past.

Mind is one of the most dangerous things. Situations can change with a single spark of thought in your mind. Today you might think that you choose the best option to get the best result, who knows, the next day you might think otherwise. You might think that that option is not the best one.

Sometimes, I regret to have this kind of mind, a type that always thinking, a lot, and sometimes I wasted my time just to think about anything, mostly decision. Sometimes I forced myself to make decision without think about it just for the sake of not wasting time. I try not to think about the possible outcome of my decision.

I always wondering, what does if feel to have a normal mind, the one that not working 24 hours? How to have that kind of mind. I really envy those person who can think when they really need to. There was a desperate time when I really want to stop thinking for a while, because it always led my into depression. I even consider to take drugs that can suppress my non stop thinking. Sadly, most of the drugs are labeled under controlled drug, which mean I need to see psychiatrist. I did ask some question on how to make an appointment with psychiatrist, but no one knows.

I can conclude that too much thought can lead to sadness. Maybe that's why I can't be happy. Too much thought.

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