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I really need guidance. I just don't know where to start. Am I crazy? Is my appearance look disgusting? Am I evil? Why do people hate me? Am I a good friend to you? Are you consider me as your good friend? How so?

I'm getting worst day by day, trying so hard not to feel the loneliness that surround me. I just can't wait to start new semester and meet people in my faculty. I guess I'll never get better when I'm alone. I rarely talk verbally, and I'm afraid that one day I lose my ability to talk.

If you're curious about something, then you should ask questions about it right? Until now, no one ever try to enlighten me, everytime I ask a few question, they left me unsatisfied by not answering the question. They avoid the question, they giving a false answer, a lie. They even don't let me understand them.

What good does the ability to remember things do when it bring pains to you? How to lose memory? How to gain amnesia? The easier way is to drink alcoholic drink, or take specific drug such as xanax. The hard way? Hit your head hard until you having concussion, until you loss sense of yourself.

I don't know why people always come to me for help or advice when I can't even help myself to improve my situation. I don't deserved to have 'good person' title on me. I am the worst person on Earth. I'm a bad person, always try to find a way to commit suicide. I can't even control my addiction.

I just don't know what to do with my life. Yeah I know, by reading this, you know that I love to complicate simple things. It sucks, to have this complicated thoughts. I just don't want to remember any bad memory. That's all I need now.

Can I deal my problem alone? Can I?

A.