I miss her.

Being senyap and do the same things like I did before, is...... emmmm, I don't know.

Asshole

I'm an Asshole, fullstops.

Depression

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world known not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad" -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Toshi and Hiba.

When I'm depressed, I noticed one thing.

There are 2 entities that exist inside my mind. The good one, and the bad one.

Pesan Mak.

Mak pernah pesan kat Ali,

"Be good to other, always. No matter how hard your situation right now, just be good to other, include the one who hurt you."

'You'

I've never thought that this day would come. She leaving me for good this time. She said she doesn't love me anymore.

Hurt

That moment when you feel lonely. Hurt. My heart hurts a lot. Kawan tak pernah nak dtg jumpa, and the one who always make some efford to build connection between me and them, is always myself. That hurts, a lot. I'm tired of this unwanted feeling. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired for being patients of almost 5 years. I'm tired, of everything. I've tried to build the connections, but what did I get in return? They turned away. Dying without no one know, it scared me you know? Because I'm wondering, what if I die tomorrow, would they come and visit me for the last time? Depress gila kot. Dok rumah, main game, makan, tido, gi surau. Tu je keja waktu cuti ni. Org nak stay mukah but mom won't allow it. Nak kerja pun tak dapat, nak ambik lesen moto pun tak boleh. So apa la gunanya aku hidup 22 tahun ni, but still dilayan mcm budak kecik?

I dunno whether I wanna go home the next sem break nanti.

Duduk sambil dengar "love is a lazerquest"

This thought suddenly popped in my mind.

A question.

Do we need friends?

Ini pendapat aku la.
Yep, kita perlu ada kawan dalam hidup ni.
Tak kisah la kawan tu lelaki ke perempuan,
Yang penting ada kawan.

One thing that I've learnt,
Kita tak boleh hidup sorang untuk selama lamanya.
Kalau ada malapetaka yang menimpa,
kita nak mintak tolong ngan sapa?

Dulu,
Aku ni manusia yang suka bersendirian,
Buat kerja sorang,
Jalan2 kat pasar tak ajak kawan,
Bila ada problem tak pernah nak luahkan ngan org lain,
Dan,
Aku fikir,
Lebih baik menyendiri,
Daripada menjalani kehidupan bersama sama dengan sahabat.

And then I realize,
I can't live like this,
Loner,
Rasa sedih sangat,
Dan,
Bagi aku,
Mati as a lonely person,
Sangat menakutkan,
Bayangkan,
Takde seorang pun yang tahu,
Takde seorang pun yang ziarah.

Thanks to her, I open my heart to others.

-END-

Bhep Gelap Gelita

What happen if,
She doubting you,
And always thought,
That someday,
You will leave her,
Because of another woman,
That much more nicer than her,
Much more beautiful than her,
What will you do?

To be honest,
I'm shocked.
I can't blame her for thinking liddat,
It is because of the past,
She still attached to her past,
And no one can change the past,
No one.

She said,
All men are same,
She said,
They will leave their girl sooner or later,
Because of another girl.

Yes,
I can't deny that,
Even my friend did that,
And yes,
I already convince her,
That I won't leave her,
But,
She still can't change her thought.
Yes,
I am powerless,
And I can't even convinced her.

Useless me.
Helpless me.
Pathetic me.

But,
I trust her,
I love her,
And,
I'll prove her,
That she is wrong about men,
About me.

I'll marry her someday.

In shaa Allah.

:)

-END-

Tingkap langsir biru

Pebiran. Again. Haih.

Dia.
Banyak lelaki yang jatuh cinta dengan dia,
Dan aku tak boleh nak buat apa-apa,
Aku takut suatu hari nanti,
Aku kembali menyendiri lagi.

Tapi.
Aku tetap percaya,
Kepada dia,
Dia yang aku suka.

I love the way she smile,
I love the way she talk,
I love the way she stare at me,
I love the way she walk.

I know,
The future,
Is uncertain.

But,
Have faith,
And believe,
That someday,
You and I will be together.

I'll always believe in you,
I'll always support you,
I'll always trust you.

And,
I'll always love you,
Aimi Raihana Abdul Salam.

:)

-END-