I miss her.

Being senyap and do the same things like I did before, is...... emmmm, I don't know.

Sometimes I miss having a deep conversation, with someone, especially her. It's kinda sucks when you got so many things to talk about, but you have to keep it to yourself.

It has been a long time since I kept my problem to myself, and it feel....... numb? helpless? hopeless? pathetic? I don't know how to describe it, it's like an empty, dusty container within me yang dah lama dah tak diisi ngan something. It's feel..... heavy I think? Yeah, heavy.

I want to talk about my problem to my friends, but, you know, I got some trust issue, even with my bestfriend (I wonder if I have a bestfriend, none I guess. ha ha ha). Sometimes I want to open WhatsApp, and contact her, ask if she doing well, and want to tell stories, problem and so on. And when I tell my problem, share my thought with her, it felt like something heavy on my chest *POOF*...... gone. But, I'm afraid that I will pissed her off again. Besides, she got her own problem to solve, and if I talk or chat with her, I think I might added up her problem list to be solve.

Lately, I'm kinda nervous though, let say if she are able to sort out her problem, and things going well on her side, does it mean that she has change to, complete new, unknown person to me? If it's true, then that's the reason why I'm feel nervous right now. Grah I hate this feeling. It's like you make a promise to meet someone who completely unknown. I really hope that everything are well on her side.

If you, yea you, read this blog, this post, I'm okay (I know, my definition of I'm okay = I'm not okay hahahahah, but I'm REALLY okay now.), I eat proper meal as you asked, did my works well, dah tak demam, but from that day till now, I have sleeping issue@problem@disorder. I always wake up at 4am, tak kira la sy tido awal jam 10pm, ke, jam 3am, I'll always wake up at 4am, I tried to sleep again, but I can't, cause, you know, me, haha, the over thinker. Tu je lah problem right now. I hope you okay there.

 I really miss talking about everything with you. I really wanna talk, chat with you. Siriusli.

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