better

I ponder, and ponder, and ponder, countless time, whether I will get better soon or not.

Sometimes it felt hopeless, because no matter how many times I convince myself that I will get better soon, reality will struck me down. I hate the fact that my sleeping cycle is ruin. I can't sleep properly now. And yes, this is the effect of depression. Some people with depression have this excessive sleep problem, but not for me, and it suck. It really suck. It sickening me to the point I question myself, "is it worth living like this?". Yes, no, maybe, I don't know. Sometimes I thought that "ni dugaan drpd yg Maha Esa. Jadi bersabar lah. Laluilah dugaan ni dengan hati yg tenang dan tabah.". But with each passing days, my hope is fading, slowly. My condition doesn't change at all.

Which part of my life that I don't understand? Which one? Am I still abandon myself? Am I? I have so many things to do right now, and I can't even concentrate while doing things, lot of assignments need to be done, but I don't even start doing it. Am I procrastinate? Am I?

I feel restless, helpless. And it suck.

-END-