Depression

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world known not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad" -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It has been a few weeks, and I don't know whether this depression inside me will fade away. Hell I don't even have any idea on what the cause of depression inside me. Few days ago I finally accepted the fact that she doesn't love me anymore, and after I posted the previous post, I stopped crying, and I tried to move on. I thought that the source of my depression was the break up between me and Mak Kucing (Her nickname ha ha ha. ok hambar). And, I was wrong. I'm still trying to figure out the source of depression, but I don't have any clue of it. Why I'm still depressed? Because I can't sleep peacefully just like the old day, felt tired the whole day, loss of appetite so I skipped my meal. Those are the side effects of depression.

Depression is, for me, the worst mental illness that I've experience in my life. Whenever I read a cancer articles or whatever, they always list depression among the side effect of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not the side effect of cancer. It is the side effect of dying. For me, depression is the cancer for mental health.

Sometimes, depressed people tend to perform self-injury. It is hard to explain why they tend to hurt themselves. I almost banged my head against the wall, fortunately I was able to restrained myself from doing it. During that time, I thought that hurting myself physically could "release" the pain, upset, stress inside my heart. Some said that self-injury was the only way to "express their feeling", other described it as the way to "let out the pain inside", and some say that self-injuring was a way of to seek people attention as a way to get help. Complicated no?

Is it because of loneliness? I got few friends that care toward me, even thought we communicate mostly through WhatsApp group or social sites. If I miss my parents, I can call them. So, loneliness is not the source of my depression.

I don't have any idea dah. I can't figure it out.

Or maybe I depressed for no reason.

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