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Tbh with u all, aku tak pernah rasa diri aku ni baik. Org kata aku ni baik or a good person or whatever you wanna call because i did the right things that generate that good impression within their heart. Aku buat benda tu selagi benda tu betul, kalau org mintak tolong, aku tolong takat yang aku mampu. Org mintak nasihat, aku bagi based on my past experiences. Semua org boleh buat apa yg aku buat. And if that's the case, then semua org baik la kan. Satu benda je yg korang tak tau pasal aku, aku tak pernah nak buat baik pada diri aku sendiri. Aku selalu buat benda bodoh. Selalu buat diri ni mcm useless. Tak pernah nak jaga baik2 hati diri sendiri. Makan pun tak betul. Some people might say that you just being yourself, but the question is, are you? Food for thought, adakah melukakan diri sendiri secara fizikal mahupun mental dianggap sebagai "being yourself"? My answer: No. Kalau diorang buat apa yg aku dah stated previously, then they are in big trouble. Either diorang depressed or psycho or whatever you wanna label it, those people need support. Diorang tak berlaku baik pada diri diorang, so please help them to stop the madness. Yes, no matter how many times you help people, some of them will never appreciate your effort, and that's okay cuz that's life, you cannot force people to appreciate your effort.

Cheers,

A.

P/s: abaikan statement dlm previous post aku, benda ni tetiba popped out in my mind so i need to write it to ease my mind.

2015 Ups & Downs

This is going to be my last post in 2015, well duuuuuuuhhhh.

Yeah, 2015 by far is the worst year in my life. It is a rough year for me, facing depression all alone, without anyone's help. Throughout 2015, I manage to live my life properly even though I'm facing depression state. I manage to improve my academic performance. I manage to resist the urge of committing suicide.

Things are getting better now, but I'm still having some trouble to control my anxiety. Imagine that you have to avoid some things that can trigger anxiety attack, ANY THINGS include your favorite songs for your favorite band. I haven't listen to any songs from my favorite band almost a year now since it can trigger my anxiety attack. I also avoiding meeting certain people, visiting some places, eating foods, etc etc etc. I don't care about your opinion on how I handle my depression, everyone has their own way to fix themselves from their mental illness. So please keep your opinion to yourself. Don't get me wrong if I'm ignoring you since some of you're the source of my anxiety, my depression, or maybe you just annoyed me too much. I'm trying to protect myself from succumbing into depression state again. Please try understand me, or at least respect my decision. I don't care if it takes forever for me to recover, even if there's no chance for me to fully recover, I don't mind as long as I'm making some progress. Final start today, 9AM in the morning and I don't need any distraction that can ruin my study and revision.

On the bright side of my life, I'm making new friends. I learned many new things. My academic performance is improving. Hell yeah I scored the highest mark for certain assignment and project, which kinda like lifetime achievement since I rarely score highest mark on assignment and project. I have the freedom to do whatever I want. I read many books, AWESOME BOOKS!

So, 2016 is approaching, and I need to set some GOALS:

1. Read more books!

2. Write one story.

3. Avoid attachment to ungrateful sons/daughters of bitches.

4. Improve my academic performance.

5. Find a part time job (if possible).

So yeah, it is a goal, not a resolution. A GOAL, A TASK. THAT I NEED TO FULFILL.

So, Ali, do your best. Even if you facing the world all alone, I know you can achieve more than you dream of. Please don't give a damn about what people told behind your back. Just take care of your own personal life from now on. If someone hate you, someone despise you, someone think that you're a pain in the ass for them, that's their problem, not your's. If they care enough for you, they won't do those shitty things to you.

Cheers

A.

Stone-Hearted

There are 2 things that drives me to write in this blog. First, I write when I bored and having too much thoughts in mind. Second, I write when I'm sad, or in bad mood, or stressed, or depressed.

Today, I write because of the second reason.