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I can't sleep, sooooooooo lets rambling on this post....

Sometimes I can't stop wondering why I doing this and that, you know, trying to find the meaning of all things that happened to me, my action, etc. Sometimes I just wanna quit and be free of all responsibility, and I don't know why I felt like that.

Mental pressure maybe?

I want to be free, free to do whatever I want without the need of thinking of its consequences. If I want to travel, I travel, because I want to travel, and it is the most simple reason that I could think of. And if I want to eat, I eat, because I want to eat. If I want to stay at home and spend my time on sleeping, I stay at home sleeping, because I want to do that. Get what I mean, doing things without creating strings attached to someone or something. I want to do this and that because I want to. I want to do it for myself, not for you, you and you.

Recently I've been thinking a lot, I waste my time on thinking about my future. Money, job, relationship, my lifetime dream, and top of all, life stability. I avoid discussing this with my friend, because most of their opinions and advices are conflicting with mine, and it added more misery to my brain, why? Cause my brain can't stop thinking about it, as if I have multiple persona in my head. arguing to each other. I think they can't understand what I want to convey to them, or maybe I can't convey my thought to them properly. Or maybe they just plain stupid and ignorant of things that happened to me. Well, your business is yours, my business is mine thingy.

I felt like I want to quit study and be a common people doing the common job. And sometimes I want to pursue greatness. Can I be the person that chase something in between common and great thing? Well I guess no. But I'm exhausted. I felt like "fuck it, let me be me, let me do my things and don't ever question why I did this and that.". Yeah it is good to set goals in life, but what if you fall so hard that you can't even find a way to reach your goals? Start anew? But I'm exhausted. Old goals, new goals, both are same. You know what, writing this might makes me turn insane. I feel like typhoon hitting in my head right now.

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